I agree with you pretty much completely here, but I still don't know what to do about talking about my ex partners. I wasn't legally married to either one of them, because I couldn't be.

I sometimes refer to my late husband Lenny as my late husband, but it rubs me the wrong way because he wasn't my husband. I've tried "boyfriend," but that feels like a trivialization of our relationship. So does "lover," perhaps even moreso.

I struggle every time I write about him, trying to figure out what word I'm going to use to describe him.

And I think about the queer people who don't value the institution of marriage and choose not to participate in it, even as they enter partnerships with people they love and intend to spend the rest of their lives with.

I guess we probably need a better word.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the sidetrack.

I really enjoyed reading your article, and I agree with virtually everything you're talking about with respect to straight allies.

Your example about the tunnel of oppression might be a little dated in terms of actual years that have passed since then, but in many ways it feels fresh and current.