"Gay men are expected to reign in all signs of our sexualities at work,"

Quite so. As a cis gay man I have always felt that pressure, often experiencing it as internal, even though I'm sure I learned it from thousands of little barely perceptible social cues.

In a professional environment with cis straight men, even progressive men, the idea of expressing any sort of sexualized thought about another man feels all but tabboo. In my most daring moment I might mention that I'm seeing somebody new, but with carefully sanitized lack of detail. (Certainly nothing like, you should see how hot my new boyfriend is.)

Even my carefully sanitized announcement might be met with coughs and averted eyes, or at best with insincere requests for information and then a quick change of subject. Obviously, exceptions exist, but that's been my general experience.

Cis women at work, on the other hand! Bless their hearts, but how they tend to make me uncomfortable. I mean, I don't hate their tendency to empathize and be nice, but I've so often felt fetishized, and frankly, no, I really don't feel like sharing the measurements of my new boyfriend's penis or details about what we like to do in bed together.

I haven't particularly considered the power dynamic that you write about, but when women have pressured me to over share, giving the impression they're doing so out of some kind of prurient interest, the power thing could help explain it, even if it's unconscious on their part.

But I don't know much about women, honestly. I don't know if they're trying to welcome me into the sorority as a gay man and equal. Or if they're intentionally or subconsciously putting me in my place by posing embarrassing questions no one should have to answer.

Then sometimes there's the pressure that comes with not performing appropriately as a "gay bestie." I don't LIKE sitting around sipping white wine, discussing fashion and bargain shopping, and rating men's asses. No shade on people who do, but that's not me. I have felt pressured to perform that way because that's what a cool cis/gay man is "supposed" to do with his cis/straight women friends. It's a little exhausting sometimes even if the pressure is not ill intended.

I'd never even thought about how any of this might apply to trans/gay men, but wow. I'm glad you got back up to work on the draft and published it.