Even after I realized I was an atheist when I was around 16 years old, my brain’s fear circuits would not let go of hell reactions. I had spent much of my 10th year and into my 11th afraid to look at the sky for fear of the Rapture and so afraid of the flames and maggots of hell tormenting almost all people ever born, that I often could not sleep. I remember going to bed so terrified I almost couldn’t stand it. This lasted for more than a year. It probably took place because of a film I was shown in church that vividly depicted the tortures of hell. I was told the film was literally factual and I believed it absolutely and completely.

I was afraid for myself but I agonized about everyone else. Evangelical Christianity teaches that almost all human beings ever born are screaming in hell right now.

I guess Evangelical Christians take comfort that they’re part of a tiny minority who will not be tortured by flames and maggots for all eternity, but I could take no such comfort. When I think back to my childhood, my most vivid recollections are being absolutely terrified of the torturer
God I was taught to worship, of the nightmares that haunted me.

Those nightmares did not stop just because I intellectually came to understand the religion I had been brought up in was horseshit. Sure I knew the things I have been taught were ridiculous and not true. But the fear circuits of my brain didn’t know that.

The nightmares did not stop until I was into my 30s.