Being a gay stereotype. I think some people used to call that being “in the life.” Maybe they still do sometimes.
I think for some people it’s healthy, but often it’s not.
Some people today speak of delayed-onset adolescence. Denied a healthy adolescence, we go through another one when we come out.
I sometimes write about the trauma of the closet, about how we internalize habits of deception and repression that make healthy intimacy difficult without a period of healing.
However we might frame the issue, Sam McKenzie Jr., your story echoed with me. I recognized much in it!