As a gay man, I can relate to what you're saying! I'm remembering getting to know this guy who had just got back from doing critical medical work in West Africa with Doctors Without Borders. He was part of a social group I belong to for French speakers, just returning to the United States after several years abroad.

I asked him out for a drink, because he's exactly the kind of interesting person I enjoy spending time with.

He's quite a left-wing sort of person, and I'm sure he'd never think spending time with an openly gay man like me was a problem.

But before he accepted that invitation for a drink, he didn't know I was gay. We each had a couple of craft beers, and by the end of my second one, vino was doing its veritas thing, and my mannerisms became a little more effeminate than they often are when I'm with strangers. This isn't a conscious thing on my part, and not all gay men are naturally effeminate, but I kind of am. Maybe it's cultural?

The awkward moment arrived when he apparently had an epiphany or got curious or something, and he asked me if I was gay. Which was ... a little strange out of context. We hadn't been discussing anything about the subject.

He was visibly uncomfortable for a few minutes.

I had to return his comfort levels to him by explaining that I was currently dating somebody and not looking for anyone else.

Then he relaxed again.

He had been uncomfortable, he revealed later, thinking that maybe I thought we were on a date.

Sigh.