And the same thing once existed in gay male culture, and to some extent still exists today. One of my best friends is a very flamboyantly gay man. Plainly speaking, he is extremely effeminate. He refers to his gay male friends as she and her, which is sort of an old-fashioned custom in gay male communities. (He's my age, meaning early 60s.)

I once commented that one of our mutual friends would be perfect for him to date. "Oh, honey," came the eyerolling response. "She's my sister! Sister don't date ... Eww!"

My friend divides the gay male world into masc and femme, and counts himself firmly in the femme category. I love him to death, but I think his ideas about dating limit him.

Maybe he's just genuinely not attracted to men with effeminate energy or presentation. But I sometimes wonder if he isn't unconsciously manufacturing some of that.

Anyway, sorry for the sidetrack. You just spurred my thinking a bit. Thanks much for this insightful story and for sharing your experiences!