And, of course, for those cisgender gay men who present as somewhat effeminate, there is a wide spectrum. Some, like me, have confronted societal disapproval since we were children, not having chosen particular behaviors or ways of speaking, but just existing.

In my case, it was my speech patterns and mannerisms. As young as 8 or 9 years old, I faced a lot of pressure to be more "masculine." I felt intensely disapproved of as a person, because I hadn't chosen to speak any particular way or use any particular gestures. I was simply existing as myself.

("If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't cross your legs like that, Jamie! That's how girls sit. And stand up straight and take your hand off your hip. Stand like a man, not a girl!")

In high school, on my own time, I used the school library to do voice training tapes, so I could learn how to speak without being perceived as effeminate. The results were mixed.

Usually, strangers pin me as some kind of queer within a relatively short time of interacting with me, though to be fair, I stopped trying to perform expected masculinity a long time ago. I have to admit that giving up the performance was a struggle. I didn't want to let go of it, because for a certain very important part of my life, I needed it to stay safe.

I probably don't fit anybody's stereotypes. I'm not especially fussy about my personal appearance or my hair. I don't choose clothing that's particularly effeminate, because that's just not who I am. I've always been a jeans and a t-shirt kind of guy.

But my wrist is limp and my voice has a distinctly effeminate lilt to it when I'm not trying to cover it up.

Why?

I don't know.

But I've often felt pressured to change that.