A quick comment that is very much a side issue to your broader points: LGBTQ people, including many queer black people who helped lead the effort, actually have reclaimed a slur, and that slur is “queer,” which when I was a teenager was the worst anti-gay slur imaginable. Worse than faggot? I guess it depends on who you ask, but it felt worse to me back in the day. When it’s used as an insult, it still contains a tremendous amount of toxic power.