A couple of years ago, I wrote an article about popular overreaction to the phenomenon of porn and erectile dysfunction.

I busted a few myths and tried to add a little sense to the conversation. The article did well, even going viral on Google.

But, oh my God, some of the negative reaction! The comments weren’t what I expected. They did not tend to focus on whether or not porn actually causes ED.

Instead, I got a lot of screeds from people (frankly mostly women) who were aghast at the idea of sexual fantasy at all. One woman screamed at me about how evil her husband is for watching porn and fantasizing about other women. Accused me of enabling his “unfaithful” behavior.

I can empathize with her pain, but I can’t wrap my mind around what causes it for her and others. Their anger is often so fierce and furious.

My last partner and I used to watch porn together now and then. It was fun! Sometimes we’d joke around about the ludicrousness of the scenarios, but that just made things more playful and pleasant.

And we liked to fantasize without porn too. I always took that for granted. I figured everybody did it.

I’ve only recently realized many people find fantasy unacceptable or even immoral, and I can’t figure that out. I find that attitude enormously puzzling.

Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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